Saturday, March 19, 2016

20 more days to go

20 more days left with my internship. Which mean I am a step closer to not knowing what to do with my life. I've come to the realization that I am just not the type of person that can have a 9-5 desk job. Deep inside my heart there is this strong urge to be a full-time trader , but when I take a look at my bank account and trading account , the number is not big enough to convince myself that I can survive trading full time.

But again , if I never take the leap of faith and make the transition , I will never know if I can make it. And if I don't do it now , despite the lack of a sizeable account , I will probably never get to do it. So the tentative plan right now is to trade full time for at least 3 months after the internship , and at the same time slowly completing my life plan. I've currently work out the monthly expenses part , as in how much I need to make at the very least in order to put food on the table. Have a very general picture of what I would like to achieve before 30 , but no concrete plan to achieve them yet.

Although I've been trading actively for the past 3 years , but I never really put myself in the position where everything is on the line. Kinda like an all in on the poker table. I have always gave myself a comfortable backup plan in case if this trading career don't work out as plan. And because of that I've never really give it my very best. As long as I am making just enough to have an occasional short trip and some stuffs ( mostly books ) that I like , I am content.

Trading full time is different.

Yea I might not have boring lectures or tutorial classes that I have to attend , no more crazily boring and repetitive job that I have to do anymore. But that also mean I need to now do a lot better in trading , because that's the only thing I am doing now. Just me and the markets.

Or another more straightforward way of saying it , I am about to go from "it's ok not to make money" to "I NEED TO MAKE MONEY OR ELSE WHAT THE FUCK I AM DOING WITH MY LIFE".

Not going to lie. It's pretty scary taking the road less traveled. Imagine if I trade for 5 years , and  another black swan event like the swiss franc last year happen busting my account. Imagine even if I build my account for 5 years and all of a sudden my broker goes belly up. While all my peers are steadily climbing their corporate ladder , I might not have anything to show for.

Need to disenthrall from all social expectations , and traditional sense of "security". Easier said than done because all those conventional concepts are so deeply rooted in our brain , it's gonna take equal amount if not longer time to completely adopt the uncertainty of life. It's going to be extremely rewarding both mentally and spiritually , if one can make it to the "other side". I am on my way. Hopefully I can be there. I need to be.

As what my mentor said , "我发现很成功的人,通常都是不给自己后路的人。”

破釜沉舟啊.
It's now or never.

Was suppose to actually write a post about relationship but.... maybe next time.


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